Author: Susan Neethling,
4 March 2024

This post is the 3rd article in the 5 part series on the Habits and Game-Changing Mentality in High-School Rugby Teams.

“There is no such thing as a natural-born pilot. Whatever my aptitude or talents, becoming a proficient pilot was hard work, really a lifetime’s learning experience.…
The best pilots fly more than the others; that’s why they’re the best,”               

Chuck Yeager

Your Perception Shapes your Reality.

The belief system you adopt serves as a guiding compass for life.

The growth mindset proposes that an individual’s potential is not fixed. Instead, we have the capacity to develop skills through persistent effort over time. It challenges the idea that any human quality is innate and suggests that with dedication and effort, you can cultivate qualities.

“You can achieve anything you put your mind to” is a mantra we have heard many times. Yet, for every person who seems to defy the odds, there are 10 who try but fail. There are even more who don’t bother to try.

It is the growth or fixed mindset that determines whether someone thrives or buckles under pressure. It determines how we deal with opportunities, success, disappointments and even depression.

The Growth Mindset in sport.

In sport, everybody believes in talent.

Even – or especially – the experts. In fact, sports is where the idea of “a natural” comes from – someone who looks like an athlete, moves like an athlete, and is an athlete, all without trying, must, by extension, be the best.

So great is the belief in natural talent that many scouts and coaches search only for naturals, and teams will vie with each other to pay exorbitant amounts to recruit them.

Understanding individual development within the growth mindset framework centers on the interplay between nature and nurture. The growth mindset views effort differently than the fixed mindset does. It challenges the idea that effort signifies inadequacy. It supports the idea that effort signifies an inner strength and the ability to grow.

For a team, it means that the will to work harder becomes the norm.

The Realities of Coaching Teenage Boys.

Before we continue with the mindsets that are needed for top performing teams, and the methods of instilling them, we must look at the realities of coaching.

The theory behind the psychology of behavioural patterns, values and belief systems, team identity etc, is vital. However, the real world is very much a reality and many coaches have to deal with matters of a more urgent and immediate nature.

Even at high school level, rugby can be a brutally competitive sport. Not only the actual physicality of the game, but the emotional pressure on and off the field. And not only for the boys. 

“Something that is very difficult in terms of coaching is when you care too much. There will be the encounters where kids you’ve got really good relationships with have to be moved to another team, and that hurts. It’s very difficult to try and explain. I think that’s probably the toughest part of coaching. You must be able to build relationships so that those boys still stay in the fight for you and their team and not give up because they didn’t get what they wanted.” Marco Engelbrecht, 1st XV Rugby coach, King Edward VII School.

Coaches are required to mould, inspire, set expectations and boundaries, be honest yet strict, positive yet realistic, supportive yet tough. The list goes on.

We have yet to discuss the fact that they must be good role models, on and off the field. A very serious bond is forged between coaches and players.

Uyanda Maqina, 1st XV Rugby Coach, St David’s Inanda says: “I always want what’s best for my players. My job is to get them to buy into the team vision and that can not be done without truthful feedback. I must lead with my actions, and not just my words. Respect flows both ways—Coaches are moulding and influencing boys who look up to us.
We must be a positive example that they can emulate in their future to become better sons, brother, husbands and fathers. It goes beyond rugby.”

It is not an easy job. “Teenagers can be apathetic and have rigid views about their capabilities”, says Katleho Lynch, Director of Rugby, St John’s College. They are often highly influenced by the comments of their coaches, parents and peers. If there is a major discrepancy between personal, coach, parent and peer viewpoint and opinion, confusion can become crippling for the player and frustrating for the coach. “One must never underestimate the effect that gossip has on the individual player, the team and the preparation of the team”.

In the next editions, we will discuss this and how to assist your players in dealing with external influences (positive and negative) in more detail.

Regardless of your coaching style, here are a few growth mindset points to consider:

Statistics and common sense dictate that good players have bad days and bad players have good days. Experience might have lead you to believe that shouting at or criticising bad performance in ‘talented’ players seems to work, because statistically things will go better next time.
However, praising good performance in bad players seems to backfire, because statistically things will go worse next time. This is why the ‘tough love vs soft love’ conundrum exists. 

Anyone who works with teenagers, knows that we can not simply tell each one of them that “they can be whatever they want to be”, without also teaching them that this can only transpire if they work harder than anyone else. It is difficult to deal with “this is unfair“, because usually it is. Reality bites.

How do we teach these youngsters to ditch the (often very valid) excuses and knuckle down and embrace discomfort to chase and ultimately achieve a seemingly impossible goal?

According to the teaching based on the growth mindset, the number one rule is:

Abolish labels altogether.

Labels create the desire and urgency to prove ourselves.

Your labels tell the story of who you are and its not an easy task to change the label. We are all afraid of losing a positive label, but equally afraid of deserving negative label. As previously discussed, labels will influence belief systems and identity, which means that a collection of similar labels will result in a fixed identity of “I am talented”, “I am lazy”, “I am smart”, “I am naughty” etc.

Once we establish an identity, we will resist anything that threatens that identity.

Any fixed mindset player, whether ‘talented’ or ‘not talented’ will resist learning something new, either because it is ‘too difficult’, or seemingly ‘stupid’ or beneath the level where they are supposed to be.

The growth mindset player, whether ‘talented’ or ‘not talented’ will happily jump at any opportunity, seemingly unafraid to ‘look stupid’.

Guilt vs Shame and how it relates to Growth vs Fixed Mindset.

At any given point, a coach must discipline a player.
One hard and fast rule to ‘force’ players into a growth mindset as it relates to making mistakes, is to use guilt.

I know it sounds counter productive, but guilt can be a powerful weapon, when harnessed correctly, because it implies that there is control, and a way forward.
The way forward is the key—if you can package that as a teaching and learning moment, there is movement.

Shame is a different monster and belongs firmly in the fixed mindset. Shame takes the mistake, turns it into a label and hamstrings the player. It says “I did this bad thing, therefore I am a bad person”. It becomes an identity.

Guilt is related to the growth mindset. It says: “I did this bad thing, therefore I need to fix it. Please help me figure out how”. Guilt can be a good thing, if it is used as a vehicle for progress. 

This is a highly nuanced concept.

However, within this framework, it’s important to understand how to transform player-generated shame or embarrassment (fixed mindset) into healthy guilt that creates momentum and the desire for change (growth mindset).

Guilt should never be used as a weapon to manipulate change.

“Guilt motivates. Shame paralyzes. Guilt leads to growth. Shame leads to stagnation.”

John Bradshaw

To start this process, ask the players to attach one of two options at the end of each proclamation:

“yet”, or “for now”.

“I can’t do that yet“.

“I am at the top of my fitness game for now“.

Both of these statements imply that the identity in that moment isn’t static. That there is always a possibility that things can (and will) change, but that we are in control. Even when things are ‘going great’, we must never become complacent.

We can’t promise to win, but we can promise not to be broken.

Next up in our 5 part series on the Habits and Game-Changing Mentality in High-School Rugby Teams.

PART 4: THE WARRIOR MINDSET

I have to get so hard-core in pursuing the thing that I want, that its easier for people to believe that it is magic than hard work.

Join me on a transformational journey to crack the code of high-performing teams. We’ll dive deep into the mental tools and strategies that ignite relentless drive, equip you to master adversity, and reprogram habits for peak performance, even under pressure.

Want more?

Contact me for immersive workshops to transform your team’s psychology.

Rewrite your limits, one ruck at a time.

Craft a winning season fueled by a growth mindset, shared values, and unwavering grit. Remember, you’re not just players, you’re the architects of your rugby destiny.

So let’s huddle up, game plan big, and make each tackle count.

Cheers to leaving it all on the field, and beyond!

Susan